An introvert’s guide to socialising

ARTICLE

21 June 2021

5 mins read

Wellness

Socialising can be hard sometimes, particularly if you’re not an extrovert. We explore some of the ways introverts can navigate difficult social terrains.

There are many misconceptions about being an introvert. For instance, introverts aren’t necessarily the shy, lonely, and socially anxious people they’re often made out to be. According to Carl Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst whose research popularised the personality traits, “there is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert”.

Though for people on the introverted side – those who prefer smaller group settings, consider their words carefully, are energised by low-stimulation work environments, take time to solve problems, are conflict-averse, and recharge their batteries by being alone – life can be tough. Because the simple fact is, whatever your personality type, we live in an extrovert’s world.

But introverts needn’t worry. According to Susan Cain, author of the bestselling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, the world needs introverts, and history is full of them: Hillary Clinton, Steven Spielberg, Michael Jordan, and Mahatma Gandhi, to name a few.

We look at a few ways introverts can better navigate social events, while respecting that need for solo time.

Make time to be social…

Life is about balance. And while there is debate over how strongly happiness and socialising are connected, there are measurable benefits for introverts in finding time to socialise.

While social situations can provide connection (and good conversation), remember to be realistic about your expectations. If you’re on the introverted end of the spectrum, don’t expect to suddenly transform into the life of the party. Start small and set yourself a few goals: if you’re heading to a social gathering, perhaps aim to introduce yourself to one or two people.

If you’re stuck finding social activities that interest you, resources like Meetup can be a great way to get in touch with people who share a common hobby. If you’re not a fan of crowded, loud environments, you might enjoy joining a hiking group or trying your hand at Japanese calligraphy. Best of all, if you attend a meetup you’ll already have something to talk about, which will relieve some of the small-talk pressure. They even have a dedicated category for online events, so you can connect with likeminded enthusiasts from the comfort of your home.

… and time for yourself

Former President Barack Obama is an introvert. He’s said to have spent around five hours every night shut away in his private office in the White House residence, doing things like working on speeches, reading briefing papers, writing emails, and playing Words With Friends. It was precious time that the introvert-in-chief used to counterbalance his crowded days.

Acknowledging that you need time on your own, and then designating periods of solitude with clear boundaries, is a way to control expectations and mediate the solo space you need.

Practise conversation

Like any art, conversing is a skill. It takes practice. As painful as small talk can feel, it’s part of life; this type of banter can be anything from chitchat in the supermarket to gossip by the water cooler.

Fortunately, there are tricks for getting better at small talk – ranging from how to recognise talking cues to when to ask questions – that have lasting benefits for introverts.

Practising small talk can also help when it comes to having more substantial conversations, opening up the possibility of doing things like speaking up during meetings. Susan Cain recommends introverts plan ahead of those bigger situations by prepare talking points before a meeting or event in advance.

Lead like an introvert

Leaders are more likely to be extroverted. It’s a trait that starts in school, where big, high-stimulation classrooms teach introverted kids that they should act like extroverts to get ahead.

But extroversion isn’t necessarily a rule for leadership success. There are different styles of leadership and no one-size-fits-all approach. Introverts don’t need to act like extroverts to be successful leaders. Rather, some experts argue, the trick is to find confidence in their own innate leadership skills. Because even in this loud world of ours, the quieter souls can still outperform the rest.

Staff Writer

Staff writers come from a range of backgrounds including health, wellbeing, music, tech, culture and the arts. They spend their time researching the latest data and trends in the health market to deliver up-to-date information, helping everyday Australians live healthier lives. This is general information only and is not intended as medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances. The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.

Disclaimer:
This is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a financial adviser, or medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.

Share

This inspirational content is brought to you by AIA Vitality

AIA Vitality is a science-backed program that helps you learn more about your health,
offers ways to improve it and motivates you with rewards along the way.

Stay in touch

Thank you!

Sign up to receive a monthly email featuring articles on health and wellbeing to help you live a healthier, longer, better life.

You have registered for the Content Hub newsletter with all our latest articles on health and wellness information for a healthier, happier and longer life.

First name *

This field is required.

Last name *

This field is required.

Email address *

Must be valid email.

I have read and understood AIA Australia’s privacy policy. I acknowledge and consent to the collection, use and disclosure of my personal information as detailed in the privacy policy.

Please agree with above statements