Why being good is better than being than perfect

ARTICLE

1 October 2024

3 min read

We all want to do well, but when our perfectionistic tendencies take hold, we can lose sight of what we’re trying to achieve.

We all have goals we like to work towards, but if you tend to focus on what went ‘wrong’ and never what went right, you may be a perfectionist. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do well, perfectionism can undermine the very thing we’re trying to achieve and rob us of the joy that comes from simply experiencing something.

The good news is, we can challenge this ‘never good enough’ mentality and learn to be more adaptive, resilient and self-compassionate in the process.

What is perfectionism?

Where high achievers strive for success, take pride in their efforts and learn from their mistakes, perfectionists operate on an ‘all or nothing’ mentality, largely driven by a fear of failure.

Perfectionists are usually highly self-critical and place extreme pressure on themselves in the pursuit of flawlessness, often beating themselves up over anything that doesn’t meet their standards. This rigid mentality manifests itself in a range of negative ways and often at great personal cost, from diminished self-esteem, high stress, anxiety, low mood, fear of judgement and feelings of inadequacy.

In short, perfectionism is exhausting.

Why we try to be ‘perfect’

When we achieve something, it feels good, so we want to do it again. Perfectionism raises the stakes of the goal by making it even more unattainable and the potential success all the greater.

But here lies the paradox of perfectionism: even when we reach the impossible goal, we’re not satisfied. Rather than simply bask in the success and appreciate the steps we took to get there, our inner critic nags us to concentrate on the negative: what didn’t go to plan, how we should have done better.

This drive for a ‘perfect’ win is often underpinned by a fear of failure so acute, many perfectionists procrastinate, or work in excess, believing they will become low achievers and ‘fall behind’ if they don’t meet their goal.

Where does perfectionism come from?

No one is born a perfectionist. But our way of thinking is greatly influenced by our lived experience, which of course varies from person to person. If you’re interested in understanding the source behind your thoughts, talking to a therapist or trained mental health professional can give you the insight and strategies you need to overcome this kind of unhelpful thinking.

The cost of perfectionism

Perfectionism can impact our mental and physical health in a range of ways, but some of the more common pitfalls of include:

Loneliness
Low self-esteem
Anxiety
Depression
Stress
Burnout
Fatigue
Reduced quality of relationships
Difficulty being vulnerable
Diminished sense of inner-peace and calm

Good > perfect

There’s a reason why, at AIA, we live by the motto ‘All or Something.’ Placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others isn’t only unhelpful, it’s exhausting. But when we give something a go and open ourselves up to failure, we not only have a more enriching experience, we also build the resilience we need to achieve the things we want because we’re working from a place of self-compassion, not criticism. Plus, it’s way more fun.

Challenging perfectionism

While there’s merit in wanting something to be perfect, ending up on a hamster wheel of self-critical thinking is mentally and physically draining. Fortunately, with some time and effort, we can change our unhelpful thoughts. Some things that can help:

Notice your thoughts: Try to recognise when your perfectionist tendencies crop up. Write them down, or just take a moment. By becoming more aware of certain thoughts, we can begin to unlearn them.

Focus on the positives: This takes a lot of active effort but with some practise, you’ll be able to think more hopefully, more often. A simple way to start is listing 3 things you’re grateful for.

Allow yourself to make mistakes: Reframing your mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve can make failure seem less scary. A good place to start is by trying something new and fun, like a game. Instead of focusing on the outcome, try simply enjoying the activity and learning how to get better, taking note of how your ‘failures’ help you get where you want to go.

Look for meaning: What makes what you do meaningful? Focusing on the why, rather than the outcome can help you feel more fulfilled. If something makes you or others happy, it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Set reasonable goals: Take those unrealistic goals and break them down into small, achievable ones you can easily track and manage. You’ll feel less stressed and more confident when you’re working towards something challenging in a realistic and healthy way.

Talk to a professional: We aren’t given the tools to solve everything. Therapy gives us the mental strategies we need to unlearn our unhelpful thoughts, so we can overcome them.

You are not more or less worthy whether you succeed or fail. Taking a moment to appreciate the person you are and the journey to get is what counts.

Staff Writer

Staff writers come from a range of backgrounds including health, wellbeing, music, tech, culture and the arts. They spend their time researching the latest data and trends in the health market to deliver up-to-date information, helping everyday Australians live healthier lives. This is general information only and is not intended as medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.

Disclaimer:
Copyright © 2024 AIA Australia Limited (ABN 79 004 837 861 AFSL 230043). This is general information only, without taking into account factors like the objectives, financial situation, needs or personal circumstances of any individual and is not intended to be financial, legal, tax, medical, nutritional, health, fitness or other advice. The source information of the articles is current as of the date of publication and may be subject to change. While the information contained herein is believed to be accurate, AIA Australia expressly disclaims any and all liability for representations or warranties, expressed or implied, contained in, or for omissions from, the information.

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